Our Journey to Tulip Part Two

It's been a few months since I wrote 'Our Journey to Tulip Part One'.  I didn't intend for this much time to elapse between parts one and two.

Honestly, I have sat down to write part two a few times but the words haven't come.  

I think the biggest challenge is understanding what PART TWO really is.

Since part one described MY many experiences with people with Down Syndrome I suppose part two should start with my marriage to Adam on December 27, 1997.  On that day, it stopped being about my plans and dreams or his goals and desires.  I even believe that it stopped being God's plan for ME or HIM.  Instead, the commitments we made that day changed to what God's plan for OUR lives would be. 

I can't remember adoption being a serious topic of discussion in the first 8 years of our marriage.

Let's face it--we were busy growing three biological babies.  

In 2006 we moved to Armenia.
I vividly remember a day, not long after moving there,  that I walked past our front entryway and saw a neat line up of the three kid's shoes. 
A single thought came to my mind.
"There's a pair missing."
 
I told Adam about my strange shoe revelation and I believe it was at that point that we agreed (after much discussion) we would have one more child--either by birth or adoption.

About six months into our time in Armenia I started volunteering at a special needs orphanage once a week.

This is where I met

Stella.

Beautiful Stella

 

 Adam and I began having our first serious discussions about adoption.

There was something about Stella's personality, her smile and her calm nature that had me dreaming of what it would look like if she joined our family.

Adam on the other hand

had a hard time picturing the things that came so easily for me. 
He couldn't get past the Down Syndrome diagnosis. 
While he did acknowledge that it was possible that God was calling me to parent a child with DS he didn't feel the call personally.

He questioned and prayed
and sought the advice of a friend that he respected very much.
 Adam's biggest question was
'Would God call only one person in a marriage to something?" 
His friend's answer was "No."

We talked more--I tried to explain this deep sense of longing--almost an emptiness that wouldn't be filled by any number of biological children.

We were so confused

and I was in love with that little girl.

I don't want anyone to get the impression that we relied on emotions to make the final decision not to adopt Stella.

We did take a month (the month of December 2007 I believe) to be quiet and pray about it.

At the end of that month, we both agreed that adopting Stella was not God's plan for her or us.

I felt a peace about it

Adam felt peace and relief.

We traveled back to the States for the month of February 2008 and I became pregnant with Josiah which became a clear sign to Adam and I that Stella would not be our daughter and in Adam's mind the mysterious missing pair of shoes would be filled with a fourth biological child.
When we left Armenia in June of 2008 and the only regret or sadness centered around little Stella who was left behind in the orphanage.

So, what happened between June 2008 and March of 2012?
Did God take the desire or calling away from me? 
Simply put--NO.  
In my mind, even with the addition of Josiah to our family
there was still a missing pair of shoes.
I guess we were just busy parenting four small children
moving internationally two more times
running a non-profit
And thinking.
I have always loved Luke 2:19
"Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself"
I have held most of what happened in Armenia concerning Stella to myself
because up until now it was far too private to share. 
Now I see the value of what happened.
I felt the call to adopt a child with Down Syndrome
Adam did not.
We {wisely} did not move forward because God would not call just one of us to something like this.


I am so thankful for this part of the journey to Tulip because without it I wouldn't have known the joy that came when God changed Adam's heart toward adoption.


*I do want to share that I made a friend through Facebook about six months after leaving Armenia.  She had just moved to Armenia and she volunteered at the same orphanage as I did.  She also grew to love Stella and was kind enough to send me a picture of her.  I learned through her that Stella was adopted by a European family (German perhaps) in July of 2010.*

Tulip Update

Tulip Update

A few interesting tidbits on Tulip that we wanted to document.
#1:  Our Dossier is complete.  Actually, this is not a tidbit-this is HUGE.  After six and a half months of hard work, prayer and a few bumps in the road we have collected or created everything that the Chinese government wants to know about our family.  Just for the record, it has taken about 4 months longer than I ever dreamed it would take.  HOLY PERSISTENCE. If you don't know what a Dossier is....Google it.  I'm too tired to explain it.

So, the next steps are as follows:
1. Our agency mails our Dossier to China.
2. Our dossier is LOGGED INTO the Chinese Children Welfare Agency's system.
3. We wait.

#2:  We received a wonderful surprise on Monday night--an updated development report for Tulip and yet another sweet picture of her cute face.  I am not sure I should put the whole report on here for everyone to see but I will tell you that she is walking (!), she is not potty-trained (to be expected), she weighs about 19 lbs (average is about 27), and she is average height for a 2 year old.  If you would like to read the full report send me an e-mail and I will forward it to you.  They tell a couple of really funny stories about her and her personality which of course, makes us want to meet her right now!  But again, it is quite evident that she is well loved and cared for.

Here is the new picture of our sweet Tulip--enjoy!

New Picture of Tulip

As I mentioned before, there is an organization called International China Concern that is working in the orphanage that Tulip lives in.  I sent them an e-mail over the weekend looking for someone who had some more information on Tulip and also letting them know that we are adopting her.  This morning I received a series of replies from the acting director.  Here is some of what she said:

"Oh Carin, really, little Pumpkin - how blessed your family will be, she is such a heart breaker - much, much loved - how lovely."

"I've known her from when she first came into our centre - together with pictures.  Much love has been poured into her life to get her to where she is today.  We even have video footage of her story - she is indeed a star!" 

"K*** will be very very excited as we all are to see her go to her forever family.  Her life is such a testament to what ICC (International China Concern) does."

And then she sent me a picture of Tulip--just taken last month.  What a sweetie! I can't wait to kiss those cheeks!!!  This picture and the promise of more to come will help us get through the coming months of waiting. 

Christmas Eve 2012

Christmas Eve 2012

Dear Tulip,
It's Christmas Eve.  I know that probably means nothing to you right now.  Your life today will be the same tomorrow no matter what the date on the calendar reads.  But I wanted to let you know how OUR Christmas Eve has changed because of a little girl with lopsided pony tails and an extra chromosome.
 As I am writing this,  Daddy, Anne, Isaac and Clara are walking around downtown Hamilton looking for the lowest members of our society--the drunks, the drug addicted, the lonely.  We have prepared a gift for them-a small stocking stuffed with a few new things and a hand written Christmas card. 

Tulip, you have taken us out of our comfort zone.  Somehow, loving you has awakened a sense of responsibilty to the forgotten and vulnerable around us.  Did you know that when I was in the grocery store this week  I missed a chance to defend a vulnerable man?  I watched and listened as two able minded grown men taunted another man (who was clearly mentally disabled). I am so ashamed that I didn't step between them.  Tulip, that may be you in 20 years--you might have a job at a grocery store and work with other adults who think their life is of more value than yours.  Obviously, I need to start praying for boldness.

Thanks to you our family has spent the last 24 evenings thinking and praying about the stark contrast of the life we live in Bermuda and the life that you live in China. Between the life of a child with a family and the life of a child without a family. We have collected nickels, dimes, quarters and dollar bills to help an orphan just like you in Africa.

 Precious child,  it is my prayer that Christmas Eve 2012 is the last one you spend without a mommy and a daddy, two sisters and two brothers.  I pray that God will bring us together at some point over the next 12 months so that you and I will both grow in our understanding what love true love is.
Merry Christmas Tulip!
Love Mommy
P.S. I bought you a present--okay two presents.  They are waiting here for you!

Provision

We love her and want the very best for her right now but we have absolutely no way to insure that will happen.  

But God also wants the very best for her right now.  He does have the power to place people in her life. To love her and care for her. To protect her like we long to do.

Guess what we found out today?  God is doing exactly that.

Over the past month or so I have seen other waiting adoptive families getting pictures and information about their child from other families picking up their child from the same orphanage.  I was jealous.  I wanted that same confirmation--those precious updated pictures and information.  Yesterday, in a moment of curiosity and possibly desperation I Googled the Social Welfare Centre where Tulip lives.  A site came up called International China Concern.  I clicked over and learned some amazing information my friends.  ICC has a team working in Tulip's orphanage.  This is an overtly Christian organization that provides physical and occupational therapy to the children who live there.  They have teams of Christian volunteers that come to play and love our little Tulip.  They also provide education and support to parents who have a desire to parent their disabled child.

I continued looking through their site today and you will never believe what I found.  In ICC's 2011 summary newsletter dated Dec.31, 2011 there is a story about our sweet girl with two more pictures of her!!

"****** is a little tiny girl with Down’s syndrome. She was
abandoned, probably when her parents discovered her disability
in January 2011. For over two months she lived in the government
Welfare Centre where she became thin and
frail. She developed severe infections throughout her body and
hovered close to death until a space finally became available with
us in one of the Baby Rooms.
At first we didn’t know if she would survive the re-feeding
process and the infections in her body, but her caregivers
patiently nursed, cleaned and fed her, and the nurses
checked on her several times a day. After about a week, a
nasogastric tube was inserted to feed her as she was too
weak to get all the nutrition she needed.
Throughout all of this her eyes looked at us deep and wide and seriously, and she
did not give up in her spirit. One of the local nurses spoke of her saying, “her eyes
speak words to us.” After several weeks of feeding and lots of love, care and attention
from the caregivers in her room, She started to turn a corner. Her frail
4.3 kg body was soon over 6 kg and as of October 2011 was 7.1 kg. She is still a
petite little girl, but she is healthy and interactive, learning to play, stand, communicate
and love others. She has a great appetite and she is healthy. Her life speaks of
the wonderful saving grace of God."





That's our baby!  We knew from her medical report that she was very sick and on the verge of death.  What we didn't know was how God provided for her.
Now we know.  The volunteer's of ICC saved our daughter's life!

God wanted the very best for Tulip when he placed Christian volunteers in the Social Welfare Centre in 2011 to nurse a very sick little girl back to perfect health.

God wants the very best for her right now and he has placed people in her life to love her, play with her, care for her weak muscles and protect her.

I am ashamed of my doubt and worry.
I think my fears are justified but God keeps showing me they are not.
He has cared for her for much longer than I have.
He has carried her in his hands and he loves her much deeper and stronger and I ever will.

Dear sweet Tulip,
You are in good hands. 
Love Mommy

Do you want to see Tulip?????????????
Here is a video we found with her in it!!!!!
I think you should watch the whole thing but just in case you are short on time she hits the screen at minute 4:08.

To God be the Glory.

Full Support

I have been remiss to thank all who have sent us an e-mail, given us a call, posted a Facebook message or prayed for us over the past couple of months.  So, THANK YOU.
I know from a frank conversation I had with someone a few weeks ago that some of you don't know what to say or how to say it.  You don't want to ask too much or too little.  You have no emotional connection with Tulip--she is just a little Chinese girl with Down Syndrome. You are afraid that we are making the wrong decision, haven't thought through all of the ramifications or that we will be hurt during this process.  Some of you are just so busy with your own lives that Tulip hasn't crossed your mind since you first heard of her.  And so you say nothing.
I will tell you three very honest things:
1. We do notice and it saddens us.
2. We understand.  This type of adoption is unique.  There are many unanswered questions.  We are willingly bringing a child with a life-long disability into our family.
3. Despite the lack of support from some people, we feel an amazing amount of support from other sometimes unexpected people.  Look at this e-mail that Adam's boss sent to his boss today:

"Our sole consular officer, Adam and his wife, Carin, are adopting a Down Syndrome Child from China.  They are approaching the end of the process and will move on to the immigration phase shortly.  As best Adam can tell, he and Carin will have to travel to China sometime next spring – in April or May, most likely – to take care of things there.  He figures he’ll need to be away from post for about a month. 

 

Adam has my full support for what he and Carin are doing, and I hope the Department would support them, as well.  His absence, however, will put our three-officer post in a bind.   Accordingly, I plan to put in a request for a TDYer as the time approaches and when we have a better sense of when exactly Adam will likely be gone.  I would hope that our situation would be given careful and ultimately favorable consideration."

The part that brought tears to my eyes was "Adam has my full support for what he and Carin are doing."   

'Full support'
Not, 'Well, I told you so support'
Not, 'I hope you have thought this through support'
Not, 'That's nice for you but it's not for me support'  

If you are one who doesn't know how to support our family--you don't know what to say or when to say it, or you don't know if you even agree with what we are doing can I ask you do be honest with us?  Can you call us or e-mail us and tell us that?  Because if you do that then we have a place to start from--and hopefully, a place to move forward from {together} so that by the time Tulip comes home we have your

Full Support.